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You Have No Idea How Important You Are To Me And I Have No Idea How To Explain It To You


The title of this blog exemplifies what I call a “pickle.” It’s a conundrum. If someone you love has no idea how important they are to you and you have no idea how to explain it to them, you’ve got a mess.

A few weeks ago I sent the message that you want to talk to You. I hope it was received. I cannot overstate how important it is that you talk to You. The relationship you have with You may be the most important one in your life. I’d actually bet money that it is.

In my book, The Revelations of Asher, the participants in the study I conducted were 10 Black women. Each was a college-educated, post-adolescent/young adult person. Most were from a middle class background and a part of an intact nuclear family. I mention this to say that the women had LOTS of strong, loving, positive influences in their lives (not that you can’t be younger or older, not formally educated, of any race or ethnicity, or any socioeconomic background whatsoever and come from that type of home). The women in my study, myself included, had parents who talked to them, siblings who talked to them, pastors and ministers who talked to them, aunties, uncles, older cousins, grandparents, and teachers who talked to them…about how to date, when to have sex or not, what man was healthy and which was not, how important marriage was, the “difference” between men and women….yet, we still encountered t/Terrors in love and life. Plenty of them.

  • About half of the women in my study had had abortions.
  • More than half had been involved with narcissistic men.
  • At least 3 had survived rape.
  • Four were survivors of child molestation.
  • Two self harmed because of body image issues.
  • All of us had burdened infidelity and chronic dishonesty in relationship.
  • Three had experienced physical battery.
  • Six of us battled fairly chronic anxiety and depression.

I’m not sharing this to scare you or turn you off from grabbing my book. I write this to prove a point.

Regardless of all the voices in our lives, warning us, teaching us, caring for, and disciplining us, we were still t/Terrorized. Regardless of the conversations, lectures, arguments, and quick chats, we were still t/Terrorized. Regardless of the presence of strong, loving men in most of our homes, we were still t/Terrorized.


Because many of those voices and stories were anchored by White and Black Supremacist Patriarchal ideologies that sounded pretty matter-of-fact. Yet, they actually taught us to hate ourselves and idolize men. Because too few of those voices and stories modeled consistently (over childhood and adolescence) ways to engage with people who are marginalized (by race, gender, class, etc.) in ways that support them with comfort and confidence in living radical lives. Because no external voice can be as constant as an internal voice. Because quantity of voices doesn’t matter as much as you think. The primary voice that bears the most weight, over time, is Yours.

you need to talk to You.
you need to talk to You.
you need to talk to You.
you need to talk to You.

It is actually you who is saying to You:


“You have no idea how important You are to me and I have no idea how to explain it to You.”


That’s real talk.

you need to talk to You.
you need to talk to You.
you need to talk to You.
you need to talk to You.

LISTEN: There is NO voice, but Yours and God’s, that can heal you through and through. If you have a benevolent mother, her voice can offer great comfort and wisdom to your wounded places. If you have a strong, devoted father, his voice can offer the stability and gravity you need to feel grounded. If you have attentive siblings, their voices can fill you with laughter and pep talks when you need them. If you have a best friend or a group of very close friends, their voices can orient you in your storm and offer a presence that is incomparable. If you have a loving spouse, they will lend an ear and share useful sentiments, perhaps co-sign all your complaints.

○However, they won’t always be able to be there.
●No one lives forever and some relationships end.
○They can’t live in your skin and they are not omniscient.
●They don’t know the whole of all your stories either.
○And sometimes, you won’t even be listening.

you need to talk to You.
you need to talk to You.
you need to talk to You.
you need to talk to You.

You need to remember and relearn what it means to hear your stories and apply the Wisdom of Heaven to all that You hear from you.

you need to feel free to tell You anything and trust that You won’t reject or abandon you. you need to learn to run to You first when you’re feeling confused, scared, angry, and anxious. you need to lean on You. you need to be taught not to betray You. You need to practice radical forgiveness and rapture…..with you. And You need to lean on Your Creator – the only One who has all the answers to all the questions, Who’s always everywhere at once, Who loves y/You with Agape Love, Who will never leave y/You or forsake y/You, Who can give you insight into the souls of others, Who can cultivate empathy, altruism, peace, and faith where you think it’s impossible to grow.

■■■There is NO voice, but Your’s and God’s, that can heal you through and through.■■■

Other voices help, often, and quite a bit. I wouldn’t toss them aside. No. Other voices bless, often, and quite a bit. I wouldn’t call them insignificant. No. Other voices do mean you well, and love in truth. I wouldn’t automatically question their sincerity. No.

I’ve just learned this lesson the hard way and I know that I know that it’s true:


■■■There is NO voice, but Yours and God’s, that can heal you through and through.■■■


you need to talk to You.
you need to talk to You.
you need to talk to You.
you need to talk to You.

Start today. Let you tell You ANYTHING. Then, You practice saying SOMETHING in return. Something like:

* Thank you, my darling. Thank you for speaking.

* I hear you sweetheart. I hear you.

* Tell me more. Tell me more.

Then, after you have said what you need to say to You, offer wisdom from heaven in relation to whatever you say. Tell you what you did was then and now You are now (no typo).

I repeat: Tell you what you did was then and now You are now.

Tell you that You forgive and authorize release of wrong. Tell you that you don’t know, can’t see, and will not be able to change the role that others played in the pain. Then sanctify, add to you the cool water of acceptance.  Let that healing rest and take root. Until the next time you need to talk to You.


Then, begin again. And, remember, you are calling You. you are saying….


You have no idea how important You are to me and I have no idea how to explain it to You.

                                                                                                                                                           – you

#SupremeLoversUnite #GetSome #LetsAllGetFree #ActuallyYouCan #youNeedToTalkToYou #StartToday #Amen

Jeanine Staples is Associate Professor of Literacy and Language, African American Studies, & Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies at the Pennsylvania State University. Her book, The Revelations of Asher: Toward Supreme Love in Self, is an endarkened, feminist, new literacies event (Peter Lang, 2016). In it, she explores Black women’s t/Terror in love. She produces research-based courses and methodologies that enable marginalized girls and women to realize internal revelations that fuel external revolutions.

Dr. Staples’ next book details the evolution of her acclaimed undergraduate course, The Philadelphia Urban Seminar. In it, she explores Supreme Love in schools. She shows how she generates curriculum and methodologies that incite anti-racist, anti-sexist, anti-ableist pedagogical stances among teachers interested in urban education and equity for all people in schools and society.


Click here to join the Supreme Love Project group to ask Jeanine questions and comment on the blog.

  • I agree that talking to yourself is so important to do. For many years I ran to my friends, and family (particularly my father) when I felt depressed, and when I couldn’t get a hold of them I often contemplated killing myself. Now, I realize that during those traumatic times, when I felt hopeless, I never took the time to analyze how I actually felt. I just wanted those feelings to go away. I thought that if I couldn’t release those feelings some how or some way, then I would not be able to function. For the most part that was true. I wasn’t able to function because I didn’t have a healthy way to release my emotions. I thought dumping all my emotions on my friends and family was they solution to my problems. Ironically, what saved me from myself was myself. I began to practice meditation, and that allowed me to actually to think, analyze, and determine if my thoughts were helpful, or harmful. I’m not a meditation guru, but when I feel stressed, depressed, or have anxiety I turn on my meditation app on my phone, then I take a seat on the floor or a chair, I close my eyes, then I listen and talk to myself silently. Doing this has helped me tremendously!

    Once again, thanks for sharing. I love your new site, and your blog posts!ReplyCancel

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